Job

I am going to attempt to blog about our life the last 2 weeks. I must preface this with the fact that I am starting this blindly. I have no idea what this is going to turn into but it is not a pity party and it isn't to broadcast these emotionally sensitive times. It is simply a few thoughts.

I guess it started on Friday the 13th. Jerrad went to Hays to a Spra-coupe school. After it was done he went and picked up my best friend, Maggie who is going to college in Hays. They went to a music store to kill some time as well as shopping for my V-day present. When they were at the music store, Jerrad was "fiddling" around with an electric fiddle. He had always wanted one since he knew they existed. Part of this is the supreme quality sound that it produces, some of it is Jerrad's never ending desire to have the biggest, baddest and newest toy out there! Maggie kept texting me about how awesome it was to be sitting there listening to him make the music she didn't know he was capable of making. Jerrad is sooooo picky about the tuning of his fiddle that it takes a long time to get it up to specs. Thus it is considered a chore to get it tuned up to play at the drop of a hat. So he hasn't played very often since he graduated high school and entered the real world!

When he got home that night we started talking dollars and cents to this fiddle that had to have an amp in order to play for more than one. I was starting to get tired of hearing about it because I could think of a ton of other things we could use the money on, but I didn't want to stifle his excitement. I finally realized I wasn't getting out of this one and we would go to Hays sometime next week and get it. If anything, I would get to see my Maggie Mae!!! We spent the afternoon and evening with Maggie. I love spending time with this woman! She is never selfish, vain, or fickle. She is so down to earth and real that you just can't help but fall in love with her.

She talked about how her bf of 5 years, Kyle (also Jerrad's best friend), had come up to Hays to see her for Valentine's day. How it was so awesome just to have him with her even if they didn't eat very fancy and they took his friend, Bose, with them to eat. She talked about if it weren't for him she didn't know where she would be. She most likely wouldn't be in college or even have a vehicle to drive. She couldn't see herself with anyone else in the world. No other guys have ever really appealed to her in that way. He was IT! We had heard all of this before from her and the reciprocal from him, they were IT for each other.

That was on Tuesday. On Thursday night she called him and he was out and about in Syracuse but would call her when he got home. When she hadn't heard from him at midnight she called, and called. She didn't want to be the nagging girlfriend so she went to bed knowing in the back of her mind that something was wrong. At 12:32 my mom got a call (she's a dispatcher and was on duty that night) from a trucker that there was a pickup in real bad shape and it looked like the driver was laying out in front of it. He didn't think he could handle it emotionally to get out and see if he was ok. That was understandable and EMS was on their way anyway.

At 4:52 that morning our phone rang. It was Maggie's sister asking if Kyle's mom or Maggie had called us. They hadn't. She said, "I need you to be strong... Kyle was in a rollover wreck last night and he didn't make it." It felt like someone hit me in the stomach. I asked how Maggie was knowing that she wasn't good to say the least. I talked to Bekah a few more minutes. She said that her parents were headed up to Hays shortly to go get Maggie. We hung up, I told Jerrad what happened and we automatically went into business mode. I called Maggie and she was how I expected her to be. Frantic, with her wits about her. I asked if she wanted me to go to Hays with her parents and she said yes.

I was so relieved of this because I couldn't stand the thought of her being there without a peer. One of her best friends, Kelsey, was just down the street so Maggie's roommate walked her down to Kelsey's house and she stayed there till we were almost there. We packed her up and headed home.

The service was at the Syracuse Sand Dunes Park that Monday. It was a great service that suited Kyle perfectly! Maggie was struggling that morning to figure out what to wear. What do you wear in this event? She made the comment that Kyle loved her any way she was. Especially a hoodie and jeans. So she wore her John Deere (Kyle was a John Deere mechanic)hoodie and jeans. It was perfect.

I have no idea why the Lord took Kyle home when he did. I have no idea why Maggie has to go through this hurt. I have no idea why his mom and siblings have to endure this pain. The whole town has rippled with the effects of his death. You see, Kyle was a friend to everyone. He was a die hard fan of friendship.

Although there are many things I don't understand about this instance and many others in life, I know that we must look for what God has for us in these times. If this one hurts this bad, I don't want to know what will have to happen next. Like my MIL says, "You had better learn it this time!"

The only time I can recall something hurting this bad was when my nephew died. There was no reason an 8 lbs 5 oz newborn shouldn't be able to breath. All of his organs were "fully developed and properly placed" yet his body could not support his life.

Both of these instances have taught me something. I can have all I've ever wanted and God still wants me to want Him. How many things do I love more than God? That is a painful reality. It is so much easier to love someone or something that you can see and touch. Yet in all reality, how much easier should it be to love someone that has saved me from a fiery Hell whether He is tangible or not? What did my nephew do to merit my love for him? Nothing. I loved him from the minute I knew he existed in his mother's womb.

The hurt from losing Keagen and Kyle mostly stems, however, from the reality it brings. My own child could die with no explanation or warning. My husband could die at a moments notice for no reason. And I would be alone... or would I? I hope to grow and strengthen my relationship with God not because I want the hurt to stop because it won't. Pain and tragedy are part of life on earth (Thanks to Satan seeking whom he may devour). But if I can't avoid it, I would like to model myself after Job. He didn't fail God even through his trials, which were so much worse than my own.

I started this blog saying that I didn't know what direction it would go and I didn't. But now that I am at the end, I think I will spend a lot of time in the book of Job for a while. Kudos to you if you made it all the way through this one! I hope God spoke to you as He did me!